


break down your walls

by kaqyma (yoon_n)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Getting Together, Imagery, idk? just take it, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoon_n/pseuds/kaqyma
Summary: if sakusa kiyoomi had an expertise in building forts, then miya atsumu was a knight forging ahead valiantly.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 54





	break down your walls

★

if sakusa kiyoomi had an expertise in building forts, then miya atsumu was a knight forging ahead valiantly.

★

kiyoomi had always been meticulous. each wall he erected, with tens of thousands of bricks. and not a single one was left uninspected by his scrutinising eyes. kiyoomi was a true engineer. 

he was both an engineer and a prince, who luxuriated. he revelled in the quiet luxuries of confinement. solitude was comforting and it presented him with a reason. a reason to keep moving ahead. _volleyball_. 

volleyball was alike in nature to engineering. just as he methodically built walls for himself, he brought to perfection his spikes and receives. in his kingdom and in his courtyard kiyoomi understood the bliss of solitude.

but kiyoomi was not an infallible engineer. he knew of his shortcomings. the dungeons. it was where he incarcerated his demons. his fortress shielded him from the outside world. but there was little he could do about his own fears and vexations. his fear of contamination and uncleanliness giving birth to compulsive rituals, his insecurity of never being enough, his deep seated worry about living a life of ignorance inside his walls - all resided in the dungeons. on most days, kiyoomi fared, albeit with unavoidable trepidation.

after all, he was only a boy. a boy born into a world of sin. and kiyoomi's sin was appetency. a boy with a hunger, he understood, that could never be satiated. kiyoomi had to teach himself how to venture into the outside world without letting anyone break his walls. if he was a boy meant to take on the world, then he had to set foot in the outside world, while he shunned it away from his paradise.

kiyoomi grew. and with him grew his hunger. kiyoomi only seemed to want more, from one level to the next. interschool, prefectural and national - each of them were his conquests. and the only way, it seemed to him, was forward. with hardwork and persistence, he became the top spiker in the country. he always returned to his kingdom with the taste of victory lingering on his lips.

on one of his further journeys, the all-japan youth training camp, kiyoomi met his first demon in the outside world. _miya atsumu._

miya atsumu was a raging inferno, engulfing everything around him. a boy with a hunger much like kiyoomi’s own; but while kiyoomi preferred to build upon his prowess like art, with persistent effort; atsumu preferred to devour everything along his way. a fire that set everything ablaze.

a perfect form and first step - that offered a perfect set, coupled with kiyoomi’s spin made it impossible for the opponents to dig his spikes during practice. it felt exhilarating. however, getting too close to atsumu was perturbing. 

  
  


“hey omi kun!”

“we've known each other for two days miya.”

“so? ya think i don't know ya enough to call ya that? i’ve seen yer games. i know about yer spin.

i know how ya like yer sets. i also saw ya rush to the shared bathrooms before anyone else got there. 

germophobia huh? don't worry, i ain’t judging ya. just an observation.

and now, i know yer one helluva prickly person. but we can still be friends! right omi omi?”

“you talk too much miya. whatever. goodnight.”

“aw c’mon man.”

  
  


atsumu’s fervour was scalding and kiyoomi immediately recognised the threat it posed. if he got too close, then it could break his walls and burn his heart. kiyoomi wasn't going to let a brat raid his fortress.

  
  


atsumu taught him an important lesson about the world and it's monsters.

 _our hearts are inflammable_. 

when he returned, kiyoomi decided to take precautions. he built a chest for safekeeping. inside it, he placed his heart and locked it away in the deepest chambers of his fortress. 

_it doesn't matter whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or choose to hide it. love will always find you, kiyoomi. because your heart is immaculate. you're too beautiful not to be loved, son._

it's what his mother had told him. 

perhaps his mother was the first and only fissure in his unbreakable walls. kiyoomi was afraid that miya atsumu might be the second, and maybe the first to deepen the crevices and demolish his walls entirely. 

but kiyoomi didn't need to fret about a prince from another land. they would only cross paths occasionally. and that - he could live with. 

his heart was safe in its cage and there was nothing to worry about. _there was nothing to worry about._

★

so when kiyoomi willingly showed up at the tryouts for the black jackals, it seemed a little uncharacteristic even to himself. 

after getting a taste of the world as a teenager, kiyoomi had decided that he wanted more. he wanted to become an explorer. the world didn't seem like a risky place, when his heart was already sealed away.

the dangers of stepping into the devil’s lair, however, destroyed any semblance of security in kiyoomi’s life. 

miya atsumu had grown. the once childlike prince had grown into a courageous knight. the boy could now control his fire. to be able to rein in great power, kiyoomi knew, was a greater strength than the power itself. 

  
  


“hey omi kun!” miya atsumu gave him his brightest smile. 

later that night, kiyoomi decided to fortify his walls. he would not break. 

he was not meant to love.

it's what his demons had taught him. 

he decided to check up on the heart he had long forsaken. and there it was, beating erratically in the chest he had made all those years ago. kiyoomi slammed it close and dashed out of the chamber.

★

the cracks slowly appeared on his walls.

_he notices._

“omi kun are ya okay? i can handle the fans if they get too close. i know ya don't want them to feel bad. and can ya believe! some of them even wear masks. they love ya omi kun.”

_he cares._

“let me clean yer bed for ya. we've roomed together a couple of times and i know how ya do it. plus ya look really tired and if yer not in yer best condition tomorrow and we lose, kourai kun will never let me hear the end of it. so please.”

_he tugs at my heart._

“omi omi yer so freakin’ cool.”

“you sound like a child miya.”

“ya think it's hot to always scold me like that. well it's working.”

“shut up miya,” kiyoomi retorted. but even he knew that the mask, which was his most commonly used shield against the world, couldn't possibly hide the pink riding high on his cheeks.

_does he ever really mean it?_

“omi kun ya seemed stressed. i’m sorry we had to take the public train. i got this for ya from the seven eleven there.”

atsumu produced a package with a hand sanitizer (sixty percent alcohol and all) and a little holder for it.

“it's a cat. ‘samu used to call me that ‘cuz i always sneaked into his bedroom at night. i didn't like being alone,” his lips curled into a fond smile.

“so whenever ya look at yer sanitizer, which ya do often, ya’ll remember that i care about ya.”

“thank you miya.” kiyoomi let atsumu see his smile that day. 

_your_ _heart is safe in it's cage. there's nothing to worry about._

★

the cracks in his walls became more evident as time passed. kiyoomi had noticed them. but a few cracks could not break them down, right? 

kiyoomi had been wrong about many things.

he hadn't expected them to crumble with just five words.

  
  


“i’m in love with ya _.”_

miya atsumu came in like a wrecking ball and demolished his outer walls. then like the brave knight he was, he kept moving forward. he set kiyoomi's fortress on fire. 

when kiyoomi sprinted towards the chamber, there he was. 

miya atsumu had managed to become the first person to not only break his walls, but also see his heart. he held it in his palms as if to say _it's mine to keep._

and kiyoomi let him. he hated to admit it, but he had been letting him for a while now.

  
  


“i know ya may think i’m joking but i’m dead serious. i like ya. no. i love ya. not in the way i love the rest of my friends ya know. i really like ya. and this is so embarrassing because i know ya don't like me and-”

“shut up,” kiyoomi's breath was warm against atsumu’s lips, “atsumu.”

and kiyoomi didn't care about anything else then. he chased atsumu’s fire with his own hunger; atsumu's tongue, a flame that licked up every crevice kiyoomi’s mouth. 

kiyoomi witnessed his fortress being reduced to ashes. and he had been wrong about his walls. they had only provided him with a false sense of security. 

atsumu saw kiyoomi’s demons. after all, they wouldn't burn down like kiyoomi’s walls. he saw _him._ and he was afraid of them just like kiyoomi. 

_he doesn't pretend to love me._ he truly loved him. he loved sakusa kiyoomi. 

everyone had their own demons. it was a fact of the world; one that kiyoomi finally learnt. 

and kiyoomi was wrong about atsumu. atsumu was not a devil like satan. he was a monster alright, but it was by virtue of his immense love.

atsumu gave and gave and gave. and demanded just the same. he was bursting at the seams with love. he burned brightly and deluded the world into thinking that it was the fire of the devil. and kiyoomi was nothing if not honest. he could get used to this.

  
  


“holy shit! i can't believe ya just made out with me. ya didn't say it back though. i mean about what i said earlier,” atsumu scratched the back of his neck which was now as red as his face and swollen lips.

“i love you too.”

“took ya long enough huh. can we kiss again omi?”

“wait,” kiyoomi was still new to this. he squeezed a generous amount of sanitizer into his palms. “yes we can.”

“wait omi omi that's...that's the cat sanitizer. ya still have it? it should've finished in a month with the way you use it. and it's been more than a year. don't tell me you. you preserved it.”

“i just preserved the cover, idiot.”

“oh. so ya like me that much, huh?” atsumu wiggled his eyebrows.

“yes.”

kiyoomi decided to shut him up before he could begin rambling. 

★

“omi omi i want to kiss ya and love ya for the rest of my life.”

“okay.”

“gah! i just confessed my love and this is what i get. ya really are a blunt jerk.”

“you're one to talk.”

  
  


kiyoomi realised, then, that his fortress had only been an escape - because the home he had been looking for, was somewhere else. someone else.

**Author's Note:**

> tfw skts break ur front door and decide to live in ur head rent free. idk what this is. i usually write poetry if u couldnt tell already. thank u for reading!


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